Concerns about ‘fitting in’, ‘honors’, ‘what others will think’ and so on, can do such damage! It’s especially insidious because dishonor can be mistaken for a loss of your own personal integrity, and not fitting in can be mistaken for not being part of the human community.

But honors are external and are not real anyway. The ‘self’ of self-importance is not your own person.

The student is not the grade they receive, and an athlete is not the Olympic gold. Public office is bestowed–or not–and is easily lost even if it’s gained. If we become deeply invested in any of these, we are setting ourselves up for a constant fear that obscures what really matters.

Anything that happens in the public eye can be like that. What will ‘they’ think of this speech? This act? This sentence? This post? –But have I said what I know in my heart? If I do say it, then I’m untouchable.

This kind of untouchability which will not allow someone to be dishonest with his own person, is what makes someone trustworthy. This kind of untouchability is what we yearn for, in our leaders. We don’t want leaders who are blown about by every change in public opinion. We want leaders who stand true as they respond to world events, who know that sometimes their response will be unpopular and who are swayed by neither favor nor disfavor.

when honor
is bound up with our sense of self
both gaining it and losing it
fill us with fear

we fear we won’t gain it
we dread losing it
because of a limited sense of self

without self-importance
what dishonor can touch us?

if there is nothing
for which he would damage his person
someone might be entrusted with the world

because he cherishes his person
the world can be given to his care

— Kye Nelson: translation and commentary on Lao Tzu’s Tao Te Ching

Comments?  Burning questions? Leave them here

This post was written as part of the tao together project.  Would you like to join us?

©2010 Kye Nelson

This has always been a more difficult chapter for me, so I’m going slow in reading it, looking at several translations, and paying close attention to my experience of the words as I read.

“A sound leader helps the populace
to be open minded and self aware.”

The shy me, reading the word ‘leader’ here, at first is not so sure this chapter really has much to do with her.  But to deny that it does, denies the reality that of course I’m a leader in some settings–we all are.  I lead when I write and my words influence someone; I lead when I work with clients; I lead as a parent, and as a caretaker for my mother.  …Other places too, but these are the ones I’m aware of immediately.

Now I’m alert to the words, feeling how actually they are meant for me. The text is saying to me, ‘here’s a way to think about these situations where you influence others, which may help you to have a more beneficent effect.’

So I come back to the sentence I just read, this time to ‘open minded and self aware’… and now I’m moved by the words, because this is what I care about with my clients especially: to re-open the possibilities, and to include the heart of the person in what happens next.

Picking up another translation I read, “regain their ability to respond… no force… no strain.”

Yes… to reopen the possibilities so that this person I’m being with can regain their own being, their own equilibrium.  To be alive in themselves, as themselves.  And when they are alive as themselves it can happen that there is no force, no strain.

It continues, “There is an original nature in things.  Things in their original nature grow with abundant life and all have a place in the scheme of things.”

I care a lot about the ‘own place’ that each of us creatures actually has in the universe.  This is why I do what I do.  This chapter actually has everything to do with me!

Another translation says, “strengthen bones and weaken ambition.”

I pause to feel my own bones–what is strong in me, my inner foundation, the core of me, what endures in me–and I hold to my bones.

Similarly, I can sense the bones of someone I’m with–if I slow down, and listen with all my attention and care.  And in my listening, in my caring, I strengthen their bones.

Weakening ambition happens of itself without my doing anything at all, just in listening to the heart, the core, the innermost value of myself, or this other.

Another translation: “Do not inspire the people with grand visions, for the visions will become idols.”

It’s not about inspiring others to reach for a goal I want for them–or even necessarily to reach for a goal they have for themselves.  It’s about paying close attention to what their own deep being wants, and is.  And strengthening that.

“Not making a show of what might be desired.”

This is the crux of it all.  Instead of putting things ‘out there’ that I or another doesn’t have and feels the lack of, I can nourish what we already have, and are.


don’t exalt the talents of some people above the gifts of others
so that people won’t be jealously pulled
to try to obtain these ‘rare goods’

that keeps people from becoming thieves

don’t display such objects of desire
as these can pull someone away from their own heart
and true place in the world

the sage’s way
is to put peoples’ hearts at ease
solidifying them in their relationship to their souls
weakening their desire to get ahead
strengthening them in their true strength
encouraging their innocence

not presuming to interfere

not contriving

then all can live in peace
at peace with their own nature

— Kye Nelson: translation and commentary on Lao Tzu’s Tao Te Ching

Comments?  Burning questions? Leave them here

This post was written as part of the tao together project.  Would you like to join us?

©2010 Kye Nelson